Parade

I thought it was going to be bad day. I guess sometimes the anticipation is worse than the actual. It ended up being kind of a nice day.

I took the children to the NYC Thanksgiving day parade. It was the first time we had ever gone. It was really special and the children loved every second of it. We were amazed by it all and of course the larger than life balloons are super cool.

Then we went out to my Brother in laws – also a first for us. Thanksgiving is usually spent with my family. The children played with their cousins, the food was great and the company was even better.

Driving home tonight I thought about how the day went. We did a lot of firsts. It seemed to help that we were not constantly surrounded by the familiarity of years past. That “daddy isn’t here” moment didn’t occur. I realized that we made new memories today. We were grieving in our own way – but it wasn’t so obvious.

I think I learned something today about how to deal with our loss. I think that this is how we move forward. New moments in time, new experiences where we can go and do without looking back. There is so much in our lives that remind us of my husband. We see photos of him in the house, hear his voice and feel his presence everywhere we go. But when we make a change – shake up our routine, we are helping to put the past away and grow into the future. I am going to try and make a conscious effort to do more firsts with the children and maybe even myself.

My six year old did comment that daddy wasn’t at the parade – and we talked about how it would have been nice to have him there. Especially since every father had a kid on their shoulders to see better and my children had to stand next to me. But there were no tears from any of us.

I can only be thankful today for what I have, not what I have lost or never had to begin with. I am thankful for the children, my understanding family and amazing friends. I am thankful I live in a community I didn’t feel like I had to run away from and hide. Each person here has made me stronger than I could be on my own. I am thankful for the food on our table and our good health. I am thankful for all the people out there who fight for me without knowing me at all. I am thankful for G-d. Lastly I am thankful for all of you who read this blog and respond in such a kind and positive way. I hope we are blessed with a good new year.