Thursday, December 31, 2009

NYE

I am not sad tonight. I am reflective, somber and alone. But I am not sad. Maybe it was the anticipation of it being a bad day that has kept the awful sobbing tears at bay tonight. The days I seem to fear the worst somehow end up manageable. The days where I don’t know what will happen or where life will lead me – these seem to be more difficult.

My six year old and I had a good talk at bedtime. We talked about our resolutions. He told me he was very upset that daddy would not see the year 2010. I agreed that it was very sad indeed, but we have to remember that we are alive and well and should live our lives as happily as we can.

He sniffled a bit and then asked me how it was possible he came out of my vagina. I really never truly thought I would be so happy to hear this question. This constant talking about death is getting to be so overwhelming – that it is a relief to talk about normal stuff with a six year old. I explained to him that he was very small – only seven ponds when he came out. I told him it wasn’t so bad.

He told me that when he was four he thought babies came out of their mommy’s belly button – but now that he is six he is more aware of things and knows where they really come out of. I sat there on the edge of my seat waiting for what I think is coming. But the next round of questions has been held off yet again – thank goodness. Instead he told me he learned a bad word. He spelled it for me. S. H. I. T. Yes, I said, that is a very bad word and it means poop. I said that he shouldn’t use it as he would not want people to think he was a bad boy. He agreed. I told him to say Sugar Honey Ice Tea instead – go mother of the year award!

I am actually amazed it took him six and half years to learn this – my all time favorite word on the planet.

I am going now to eat Indian food that my husband hated and would never let us order and watch my favorite vampire movie that he also didn’t like. Tonight is all about me – if I stay away from the wine I should be able to keep the tears away. Tonight I really am fine.

Tomorrow is another story . . .

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